When my daughter Maddie turned three years old we started to desire another baby. Because of our journey with Maddie, we knew our journey may take some time. Month after month passed, and before we knew it, we were celebrating Maddie fourth birthday. When she blew out the candles at her birthday party, she wished for a baby sister. Just about a week later, Maddie told me that there was a baby in my tummy, and when I asked how she knew, she replied, “God told me!” About one week later, I found out I was expecting.

I told Sean I was pregnant with donuts again, but this time I was pretending to film a special 4th of July cooking segment for Dashing Dish, and I asked for his help! I had him make the frosting as I pulled the “finished donuts” out of the oven, and to his surprise, I pulled out a pan of donuts with a onesie that said “God answered”.

We were overjoyed, and couldn’t wait to tell family and friends! We shared the news with my family on Fourth of July and everyone cried and rejoiced with us!

Just a few weeks later, we had our first doctor appointment which included an ultrasound. The doctor told us that the baby was behind in growth, and that the heart beat was very abnormal. We came back one week later, and he confirmed the baby heart had stopped beating. The doctor gave us a moment alone in the room, and the first words out of my mouth were, “God will redeem this! It’s who He is, and it’s what He does!”

We went home in utter shock, and cried a heart wrenching cry for the next few days. We mourned the loss of the child we would never meet this side of heaven, but also reminded ourselves that our child was with Jesus, and would never experience one day of tragedy on this earth, which brought us comfort.

When I was twelve weeks pregnant, I had a surgery to remove the baby because my body wasn’t miscarrying naturally, and although it could of been a day of devastation, it was one that brought a peace that passes all understanding.

I went into the surgery with an unexplainable peace, knowing Jesus had my baby in His arms, and that we would be reunited one day. It brought an awareness that heaven is our true home in a way that only loss could, and it reminded me that this life is but a vapor, and that even in our lowest valleys, God is faithful, and He always remains the same!

I woke up from my surgery saying, “new beginnings”, three times and I knew that it was God encouraging my heart that new beginnings were near. I knew from my past with eating disorders, that He is the master of taking broken things, and making something beautiful, and I knew He would make beauty from my ashes.

Just 2 months after my D&C surgery, I found out I was expecting our third baby, and I found out just hours before our family photo shoot! I was able to tell Sean I was pregnant with our redemption baby during the photo session, and the beautiful memories of that moment were forever captured on camera!

Through our heart ache and triumph, God was present in every moment. He never left our side, and I have learned through our pain, that in our lowest moments of grief and sorrow, He is nearer to us than ever before. As we trust Him to take our pain and heal our hearts, He is able to bring peace that passes all understanding, and make something beautiful from the ashes.

No matter where you may find yourself today; In a valley, or on a mountain top, I want to remind you that God is a God of the impossible, He is near to the broken hearted, and He is the great redeemer! He wants to be involved in every area of your life, and He wants to heal you of the wounds of your past and your present. When you give Him your heart, He can and desires to turn your ashes into something beautiful, if you surrender it to Him!