I remember bringing Maddie home from the hospital and being filled with a bucket list of worries and fears that daunted me as a new mom. For some reason I thought once I got through the stage of worrying about this new little life that I would be free to watch her grow, anxiety free! I since have learned how my fears in motherhood haven’t gone away, but have instead changed over the years.

Since becoming a mother almost 5 years ago, I’ve learned what is meant by the saying that children have a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body. It’s incredible how becoming a mother puts a burden on your heart that wasn’t there before!

I’m sure most moms can relate when I say that when all is well with your children, all is well with your heart, but when something is off- your heart is in two place at once! And although I thought this was true when it comes to having a little one at home, my how I learned a whole new level of fear and anxiety can creep in once they leave the home in any capacity, even if it’s to start preschool!

I will never forget the first day of preschool for Maddie. She was so excited with her new backpack and cute little dress, and she couldn’t wait to eat her packed snack in her new lunchbox! But the tides turned very quickly when she actually entered the classroom, and she realized I wouldn’t be staying with her for the day. She held onto my arm and begged me to stay, all while other little boys and girls were happily saying good by to their parents, and began to play with toys in the classroom.

I looked around and did my best to encourage her to play with another little girl, but the more I tried to help, the more I could see the tears well up with the anxiety in her heart. I finally found the courage to give her one last hug and kiss, and left to go home to an empty home for the first time since she was born.

I sat on the couch wondering if I had mad a mistake. Should I have home-schooled? Should I go pick her up early and send her next year? Maybe she wasn’t ready for this! The more I thought about her, the more I found anxiety starting to get the best of me; But I knew better than that!

Instead of worrying, I decided to open my mouth and pray. I talked to God about Maddie, and as I brought my cares to Him, He lifted the weight of them, and exchanged them with a truth that stuck with me.

The Lord brought me back to different areas of my life when I felt unprepared, nervous, or just flat out scared to do something new or even try something at all! I then thought about the outcome once I faced my fears, and I recalled how much I had learned from these experiences. Each one challenged me, but in a good way! They caused me to grow and reach outside of my comfort zone, and brought a new level of strength, character, and confidence in me!

I knew that God cared about Maddie more than I did, and as I surrendered her back to Him in each new circumstance, He would take care of her and bring the growth and refining that He desired for her in, even through the hard times.

Since becoming a mom, I have learned a lot about how my fears about motherhood can either draw me to a place of worry, or they can bring me to my knees in prayer and cause me to press into the Lord.

When we choose the later, I know it not only pleases the heart of or our Father God; But it also draws our hearts to perfect peace that comes as we trust in Him.