My journey to intuitive eating was a long and bumpy one. One that has been 39 years in the making, and is ever evolving; But I can honestly say that I have come to a place where I trust my body enough to listen, and intuitive eating has become second nature.

Before I get to how I came to this place, let me share the journey.

The first time I can ever remember thinking about what I was eating was when I was 14 years old. This was the time in my life I developed anorexia nervosa, which eventually led to bulimia. I was bullied by a boy in my school, and I started to think about my body in a way I had never seen it before. Suddenly everything I ate was the enemy playing into my disgust for my body and the “fat” that I feared it would cause. I spent about 4 years fearing food, and went from eating as little as possible to binge eating and purging.

When I was 18, my sisters had an intervention with me and I made a dramatic escape from eating disorders thanks to a life changing prayer that we prayed. God rescued me from the shame and bondage that I was living in, and He began to heal my heart. I still struggled with the proper understanding of how to care for my body in this season, so I started to learn as much as I could about nutrition, and my desire to learn how to cook grew simultaneously.

I spent most of my 20’s in college, (nursing school), and it was also when I married my high school sweetheart. I was still learning how to cook and fuel my body, but during those years, I fell into many trends and fads that were being pushed by culture. Those were the days of high intensity workouts, so I found myself pushing my body 100% 5-6 days per week, as well as eating a lot of protein shakes and bars due to my demanding nursing school days, as well as when I got a job as a new nurse.

All seemed well until I entered my 30’s, which is when we wanted to have a baby. I hadn’t really noticed or paid much attention because I had always had irregular menstrual cycles (due to having eating disorders in my teens), but when I wanted to get pregnant, I noticed I went months or even years in between periods. That was when I started doing research and realized I had developed hypothalamic amenorrhea. This meant I was putting too much stress on my body working out HIIT style 5-6 days a week, and was eating too little to sustain my energy output. (At the time I was tracking my calories, and was only eating about 1500 per day.) Hormonally speaking, this was very unhealthy but because I was “eating healthy” and working out, I ignorant to the fact that I was doing anything wrong.

Fast forward to when I got pregnant with Maddie at 32 years old, I finally made the changes with my fitness and nutrition that needed to be made in order to be hormonally healthy, which meant cutting my workouts down to 3 days per week, and listening to my body, (which meant no longer counting calories). I felt scared and out of control, and I hated that fact that my body was creeping up in pounds, and my clothes were getting tight. However, when I found out I was pregnant a few months into “letting go” of what I thought was best and listening to my body, I knew it was beyond worth it.

After my pregnancy with Maddie, I went straight back into my previous habits and lifestyle, as I imagined I could somehow maintain my insane level of fitness while eating just enough to keep my vital organs functioning. I jumped right back into vigorous workouts 5-6 days per week, and started tracking calories again. As you can imagined, I never resumed a normal menstrual cycle.

Fast forward about 3 years after I had Maddie, and I started to desire another baby. It was near impossible to try to plan for a baby without a period, and I had just turned 36 years old, and I was feeling more desperate as time ticked on, and Maddie got older. So, I decided to make the changes I made before having Maddie and start to reduce my intense workouts and eat intuitively rather than track calories. This time instead of taking me a few months to see hormonal changes after resting and eating more, it took me much longer to resume a normal cycle and get pregnant. When I got pregnant with our second baby, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I realized I had gained a few pounds in my first trimester, and decided I would count calories and up my workouts in order to lose the weight… until I heard the Lord very clearly tell me on a walk that I had to rest my body and trust it in order to have another healthy pregnancy.

It was in that season that I learned for the first time in my life to truly listen to and trust my body. It was in that season that I realized my body wasn’t a project or something that needed to be controlled. It was a beautiful gift that was given to me by God, and He designed it to carry and sustain life, which meant more to me than how my body looked.

When I got pregnant with Oliver at age 37, I believe the Lord used that season as a redeeming time in my life as it relates to my body. I still worked out and ate the same as I always had, but it was from a new place of listening and trusting.

I not only began to trust my body and the signals it was telling me, but I also began to surrender what I thought my body should look like, and I ignored the cultural “fads” and norms. I felt in many ways that my pregnancy with Ollie was a redeeming time in my life, because it was the first time I genuinely saw the beauty in my body and looked past the flaws. I learned to look in the mirror and find the good instead of falling into the trap of wanting to change and conform to what once was.

After giving birth the second time, I allowed my body to take the shape it needed to in order to nourish my son, all while gently easing into a workout routine that was 3-4 days per week of lifting weights, and never did I go back to logging my food. I will admit, some days during that season I had temptations to turn back to what I knew would change my body at an accelerated speed, (intense workouts and counting calories), but I also knew that I couldn’t go back there, for my mental and physical health.

I made the decision once and for all to love my body in every shape, season, and size, and I decided to nourish it with carbs when I felt it needed it, I continued to eat lots of protein and fiber, because that has always made my body feel good, and I had treats whenever I wanted them- sometimes healthy, sometimes not. I worked out when I felt strong, and walked when I just wanted to move. It was liberating and healing in more ways than I can describe.

I nursed my son for almost two years, which mean my bodies energy needs were more demanding, so it was hard to gauge where my body would land until I weaned him. When I finally did, I found my body surprised me in a beautiful way… My came back to my previous size when I strived and stressed and counted… all on its own when I simply listened and trusted.

At age 39, I now workout 3-4 days per week, with little to no intense workouts, and lots of walks. I haven’t counted calories since before my pregnancy with the baby we lost 2.5 years ago. If I had to guess, I would say im taking in over 2000 calories per day, and every day looks entirely different with my nutrition depending on how hungry I am, if we are out to eat, eating with friends, etc.

My core decisions on caring for my body haven’t changed since my 20’s, which is that I love to move my body, and I thoroughly enjoy fueling it to feel my best. What has changed however, is that I now eat when my body tells me to, or because I’m enjoying food in its rightful place, rather than an app on my phone telling me to. I also enjoy working out because it makes me feel stronger and healthier as a wife, mom, and woman.

I have learned so much about my body over the last 20+ years, and I know I will continue to; But the one thing I wish I could tell myself sooner is to trust your body. It is so smart, and it is NOT against you! If I would have listened to my body, I would of rested so much more, which would of given me more energy for when I did workout. I would of eaten more carbs, and not been afraid of calories or fat. I would of told myself, if you take care of your body and listen close, your body will surprise you and fall into a beautiful healthy place that doesn’t require stress or striving…And most importantly, I would of told myself, listening to your body will bring TRUE FREEDOM.

I share my story today in hopes to encourage other women to take steps in the direction of listening and trusting your body. It certainly can be a journey (at least it was for me), but it is well worth the effort and patience! I have never experienced freedom in my body, mind, and heart like I have since I let go of my control and went back to God's original design. I have always watched in awe of my daughter as she puts down her fork and says, "mom I'm full", and all the while has such joy while eating an ice cream cone. This my friends is God's design. I'm more convinced than ever that if we take care of our bodies the way God purposed, we will reach our God designed weight, and maintain it without stress and striving; And all the while we will find true health body and soul!

Thanks for tuning into my journey friends! I'd love to hear, have you discovered the freedom that comes with intuitive eating?! If so, I'd love to hear in the comments! xo Katie