“For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns].” Romans 7:15 AMPC

I don’t know about you, but I can totally relate to the struggle Paul describes in Romans 7. Why do we keep doing what we don’t want to do? Why don’t we do what it is we really want to do? In the context of making daily decisions, the answer is often… Habits. It’s not always just a matter of knowing what to do, but actually doing it that gets us off track. So what can we do about it? How can we know better and do better? First, we must understand the reason why habits form and how they work. Then, we can work on changing them. It is also important to approach habits as a means to spiritual growth and maturity which God can use to make us more like Christ—not simply as a self-help avenue to achieve our personal goals.

Some habits might seem random at first glance, but the truth is, there’s always something specific taking place, whether we are aware of it or not. While it’s true that some habits develop arbitrarily, they never occur without a reason. Most of us understand the role which habits play in terms of the outcomes we get. Less of us understand the extent of the ways in which we can influence the habits occurring in our own lives in order to improve our outcomes. Whether we are attempting to create a new healthy habit, or break an old unhealthy one, being intentional goes a long way when it comes to setting ourselves up for success. Today, we’re talking about ways in which we can shift habits from being points of frustration to strong allies.

A habit is a repeated behavior which we utilize to meet a specific need. The purpose of the behavior could be spiritual, practical, emotional, physical, etc. The more important the need, the more likely the chosen habit is to become progressively stronger over time as it is repeated. Said another way, the more attached we are to meeting a need, the more solid the habit we use to do so will grow to be in our life.

This can serve us well if the habit is a positive one, however it can become a point of struggle if the habit is a negative one. The longer the habit goes on, the more difficult it typically is to break—even if we recognize that it is a harmful one. You will often hear statistics about how long it takes to develop or break a habit. The ranges often cited are anywhere from 21 days to several months.

The reality is that it all depends on context and involves several factors. Generally speaking, the more we repeat a habit, the stronger it grows, especially when repeated consistently vs sporadically. However, it might not take much repetition at all to develop a new habit if it is highly rewarding right off the bat. We are also likely to take habit cues from those around us. We’ve all heard the saying that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time around. If we want to alter habits, we can alter the people we spend time with accordingly to expedite behavior change.

As you can see, there’s a lot of factors that come into play when it comes to the timeframe required to alter habits. I would encourage you not to limit yourself based on this. Meaning, just because you’ve struggled for a long time to start or stop a habit does it mean that victory is not possible. It simply means that you need a better understanding of how to set yourself up for success! We can work smarter, rather than harder. This is not about having more motivation or willpower (see this post for why they are faulty methods). It’s about relying on the Lord to do the work of lasting transformation in us while being faithful to do the part we can to grow. Pray and invite the Lord to be the source of your strength, as well as for the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom as to how you can act. (See below for a prayer).

First it’s important to know how habits form. The method for how habits develop and continue looks something like this:

• Cue/trigger: Something instigates serves as a reminder or desire to participate in the habit.
• Behavior: We make a decision to act on the cue.
• Reward: There’s a satisfying outcome or positive feedback as a result of the decision to take action which makes us likely to continue the same behavior pattern the next time we get a cue.

This loop perpetuates the habit routine. It must be interrupted and altered in order to change behaviors. While the following is not a comprehensive list for how to achieve this, it is a great starting place for understanding the process of habit change.

If we want to strengthen a positive habit that may not yet be solid on its own, there are several ways we can do this.

• The more obvious we can make it, the better. We can set up triggers or reminders for the habit to take place. This way we do not forget them.
• Making that habit easier to participate in makes you more likely to follow through on it. To the best of your ability, eliminate any barriers that might create resistance around the positive habit and do what you can to make doing it easier.
• We can enlist accountability to act on the habit, either from others or ourselves (although most people find that self-accountability is difficult initially and takes time to develop).
• We can pair it with another solid habit so that we are more likely to do it than we would be if it was done on its own.
• We can associate positive outcomes with follow through so that it becomes more exciting to do it. Create a ritual surrounding the completion of the habit. It could be celebrating what you’ve achieved, or sharing your accomplishment socially.
• We can set up “if-then” scenarios and bright line rules around our habits so that they are protected (either from outside deterrents like social situations which undermine the habit, or internal ones, like lack of motivation). Predetermined protocols for a variety of hiccups will keep you from having to rely on making an in the moment emotional decision when something conflicts with the habit. Plan ahead for problems so that you can eliminate any ambiguity which might result in foregoing your habit intention.

Example: Developing a new routine for exercise.

• Eliminate barriers: Find a fitness center that is in a convenient location. If it’s on the way to work, make sure it has showering facilities so that you can get ready once done.
• Make it easy: Get your workout gear and toiletries ready the night before so that you don’t waste any time preparing when it’s time to do it the next day.
• Make it obvious: Set a reminder on your phone the night before so that you don’t forget to gather the items above.
• Enlist accountability: Commit to a class or a workout partner so that you’re more likely to show up on days when you don’t feel like it. Hire a trainer or coach to keep you on track with a plan/program.
• Habit pairing: Listen to a podcast, audible book, or your favorite music playlist only during your workout. This will give you something to look forward to beyond just the workout itself.
• Reward-savoring ritual: Celebrate the completion of your workout by snapping a sweaty selfie, taking a photo of your written workout, or getting a screenshot of the workout summary on your smartphone app and then share it on social media.
• Clear guidelines / if-then plans for sticky scenarios: Have a list of backup workouts if you aren’t able to make it to the gym. Something is always better than nothing, and keeping that habit in place protects it while it’s still fresh. If you have to miss your usual fitness class due to an appointment, decide when you will make up the workout another day, or at a different time.

If we are attempting to break a habit, there are several factors to consider.

• First, the less obvious we can make it, the better. If there is some cue that serves to trigger you to participate in the habit, try to brainstorm ways which you can eliminate that trigger from occurring.
• Second, you can enlist accountability from others by asking them to check in with you as to whether or not you avoided the behavior you’re intending to break. Having to admit that you did not follow through on your intention to refrain can serve as a deterrent in the moment when wrestling with the decision to act. Make sure that you choose someone who you are willing to report to. You don’t want to create frustration or animosity by choosing someone who you are likely to get mad at or avoid. If asking a spouse, friend, or coworker would create tension, hiring a coach may be a reasonable alternative.
• The more difficult you can make the habit to do, the less likely you will be to do it.
• Additionally, we have to do more than just eliminate a habit, we have to replace it. Remember that the reason you are participating in a specific habit is because you have a need that needs to be met. If you simply attempt to remove something without replacing it, chances are the path of least resistance will win out, and the previous habit will creep back in. Just like the process of renewing the mind means that we replace all thoughts with new ones, the process of habit change is best when we replace negative habits with positive ones.

Example: Trying to break the habit of snacking when not hungry.

• Trigger elimination: The cue might be a bag of pretzels you see on the counter where your kids left them after snacking. To make snacking less obvious, ask them to place the bag back in the pantry after they’re done.
• Increase difficulty: If pretzels are your weakness, and the kids would be happy with an alternative snack, make the habit more difficult by not keeping them in the house and purchasing something else for them instead *(see note below).
• Enlist accountability: The habit may be easy to get away with if you are alone in the house during the time when it would typically take place. Turn on some worship music for self-accountability. Having your mind and heart set on the spiritual will ensure that you don’t turn to lesser things to satisfy. Ask someone else to check in with you daily to see if you successfully avoided snacking when not hungry.
• Replace: The positive reward from eating them might be a momentary pause from unpleasant tasks. Find a quick positive habit (like 5-10 minutes of stretching or house walking) which you can replace mindless snacking with in order to find the same kind of stress relief.

*Note: It may not be necessary to keep something out of the home indefinitely. However, it is sometimes appropriate to remove an item which has been a trigger from the home before reintroducing it in a mindful, appropriate, and enjoyable manner (without the urge to break guardrails or perpetuate unhealthy habits when consuming them).

Remember that we make our habits, then our habits make us. Let's be intentional to create habits that carry us on an upward spiral, not a downward one! For more biblical wisdom on habits, read this post and listen to this sermon series from Life Church. I also recommend the following books, which are mentioned in the article as well!

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Prayer for habit change:
Father, I thank you that I do not have to enter into this process on my own. Help me to rely on You. May I be obedient to anything You prompt me to do or to lay down, so that I am sensitive to Your will and can walk in the wisdom I have access to through Your Holy Spirit in me. May I be willing to act in accordance with Your best for me, regardless of my desires and emotions, trusting that right feelings and right desires will follow right actions. May my motives for change be infused with a longing to be more like Christ, rather than for selfish or vain pursuits. I ask that You would guard and protect the new habits while they are tender and vulnerable, and allow no room for the enemy to steal, kill or destroy the work You are doing in my life. Help me to set aside any habits that hinder me from running my race effectively and walking fully in my calling. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen..

If you have any questions, feel free to comment below, or reach out to me by emailing me at Kaci@DashingDish.com any time!